Why don't I know who I am anymore?

Is this a sea anemone?

Or a visual representation of you feeling every change of emotion and need in your family?

When Looking After Everyone Else Became Your Identity

Understanding people pleasing, self-sacrifice and why so many women lose themselves along the way.

Why don't I know who I am anymore?

It’s a great question, an exciting question, that many women, especially in mid-life, are asking themselves, or screaming at someone right now.

You're an expert at reading everyone else's emotions - so they NEVER HAVE TO- OOOFT!

Our new Mama-bear therapist Jaci comes through with a message for the sensitive self-sacrificers who are TIRED.

We're talking today to the lifelong sea anemone of the family - IYKYK

If you're tired already and it's Monday at 10 am- we see you.

Women who became experts at adapting. Twisting themselves into a pretzel to calm conflict and never, ever have a need that puts someone else out. These are the roots of a life that grows into endless self-sacrifice. A life lived through the roles you play and the masks you wear.

Everything branches from that.

The peacekeeper.

The sensitive, tearful one... or was she just labelled "fragile"?

The ever-ready responsible daughter.

The people pleaser with the biggest smile.

The high achiever. The domestic and logistical GODDESS.

The invisible mental load that feels so neurotically normal you barely notice you're carrying it.

Motherhood. All day. Every day. Every night.

Menopause. Let's throw some wobbles into this well-oiled ship... but don't slow down.

Life transitions. Wait... where are the kids? Are you leaving me? Wait- What?

Burnout. But I can't stop. What do I do? Who even am I if I'm not doing?

They're all different expressions of the same adaptation you had to make somewhere along the way in early life.

As Parts-Work/IFS therapists, we’d say These parts of you are tired. Misunderstood. Somehow they got stuck in a job you aren't sure you consciously signed up for, but it seemed you were assigned to become this woman in the family. First as a child, and then again in your own chosen family.

We want to bring so much compassion, kindness and understanding to this lifelong journey you've been on.

We'd love to offer you a place to rest, to look at the puzzle pieces, and shower them with appreciation. You can do this with us now, by placing your hand over your heart and saying to these Parts:

LOVE LETTER TO YOUR LOST SELF

Thank you for taking me this far.

Thank you for finding a way for me to be loved, needed and appreciated.

Thank you for giving me purpose, direction and identity.

And... I think I want something different now. Not entirely. I don't want to lose you.

But I do want these parts to soften a little, to reset a little.

I want to finally find something for myself. Of myself. By myself.

I want to create a little more breath above the noise.

Above the calls, the needs and the endless lists of everything I do

I want my life now to be about me, not everyone else.

Now, I may not have any idea how to start.

might not even know the first question to ask myself.

But I can feel this longing brewing.

But I think I know one thing.

I deeply crave... me.

I am ready to listen to this longing that has long been brewing,

If your hand is still on your heart, and those spoke to your bones

Perhaps this is your permission slip.

Signed, Lovingly, ME ​
​

Now breathe again!

You don't have to know the next step.

We know exactly how to begin that conversation.

You don't have to burn your life down.

It's about thoughtful recalibration, not fleeing or screaming about it.

Turn your phone off.

The world can wait an hour while you begin one of the most important conversations of your life.

If you recognised yourself in this piece, we'd love to help with two adventures:

Dedicated Counselling space for you: Our team works with women navigating people pleasing, burnout, life transitions, highly sensitive nervous systems and the lifelong habit of putting everyone else first.Say hello to our therapists. Explore here

Climb into my Theraperutic Tree House: A digital space to get away, come to ground, build a trusting reltionship with yourself and be your own best friend again. Allow me to lead you back to calmness, quickly. Climb Up here.

From one sea anemone to another,

Gabriella de Mori

Gabriella de Mori
Founder & Director
Registered Clinical Counsellor
Gabriella de Mori & Co Counselling

Ps. Does this put into words something you've been finding hard to articulate? Share it and borrow the words. We get you.

PPS. Have ten minutes? Practice the free signature calming meditation audio here.