The 5 Real Reasons You Can’t Rest ✨

There is a particular kind of frustration that comes from being absolutely exhausted and still somehow being unable to stop. I've been exploring it while on my Long Service Leave in Bali, and writing to you.

Quietness has an annoying way of making you aware of all that's been sitting beneath the surface.

Sound familiar?

You finally have an afternoon with nothing in it, and suddenly you’re cleaning the kitchen, again.

You book the massage and spend half of it thinking about what you’ll do when you leave and if he remembered the breadcrumbs.

You sit down to meditate, and your mind presents a compelling argument for why now would actually be an excellent time to reorganise your pantry.

Or maybe you do rest, technically.

But some part of you remains standing.

Watching.

Waiting.

Keeping an eye on everything.

Resting until you're needed and someone calls out for you.

I’ve become increasingly interested in the idea that for many people, difficulty resting isn’t really a time-management problem, or even a self-care problem.

There are Parts of you that don’t want you to rest.

And I don’t mean that in a punitive way.

I mean there may be Parts of you that have spent years, sometimes decades, learning that keeping you moving is incredibly important.

They may believe that if you loosen your grip, something you’ve worked very hard to build could crumble.

That if you’re not productive, brilliant, useful or achieving something, you might have to confront the uncomfortable question of whether you’re enough without it.

That somebody needs you.

That nobody else will do it properly.

Or that this beautiful life you’re trying so hard to create will somehow move further away from you if you stop working towards it for five bloody minutes.

And that’s what I find much more interesting than telling an exhausted person to take a bath.

You can put your body on the massage table.

You can’t necessarily convince your inner world to lie down with you.

Because if some part of you genuinely believes there is something at stake when you stop, of course a scented candle isn’t going to solve it.

However, I do highly recommend "$42 incense" as a life philosophy and daily ritual.

Light the damn thing-Don't wait for a special occasion.

My favourite incense brands are Perth brands Heartwood and Gentle Habits.​

So, let's get to it: The Parts that drive you the hardest might also be the most tired.

In my audio riff below, I explore some of the less obvious reasons you might find it incredibly difficult to come to ground.

I draw on what I’ve noticed through years of psychotherapy work, and, very much, what I’ve noticed in myself.

Not as another prescription for how you should be resting.

More as an invitation to get curious.

Because the Parts that resist rest aren’t necessarily trying to ruin it for you.

They may need something from you first.

They're worried your relationship will fall apart if you’re distracted.

That everything you’ve built isn’t going to disappear.

That you won’t become irrelevant, unsuccessful or obsolete.

That whatever frightening thing they’ve been holding the door shut against isn’t suddenly going to charge through.

And perhaps, eventually, they need a permission slip from you to stop working quite so hard.

So light the incense, put your headphones on and come sit with me and my garden birds who insisted on joining the recording.

You don’t need to do anything with what you hear immediately.

Just notice which Part makes you go…

Oh.

That one.

And perhaps start there.

You do not have to put it all down forever.

Just enough to remember what letting go feels like.

I really want you to enjoy the mastery of holding, healing and leading your inner World.

Let's do it together.

Gabriella

Gabriella de Mori & Co Counselling
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Connect with your personal GdM & Co1:1 therapist here. ​

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